This life can be unkind, but together, we can make it a little safer place for the hurting
mothers on this Mother’s Day. If you have a hurting mother in your life — whether they
be a friend or family, make this day a little easier to bear for them. Remember them.
~ Lexi Behrndt
Writer and Founder of On Coming Alive
Remember the ones with a mother’s heart and no child to call their own.
Remember the ones with aching arms. Remember the ones with the tired eyes
from the sleepless nights, lying awake and longing for the little one who
captured their momma heart from the instant they met. Remember the ones
who never got the “firsts” — first smiles, first birthdays, first days of school,
even first cries. Remember the ones who will never hear “momma” from those
This life can be unkind, but together, we can make it a little safer place for the
hurting mothers on this Mother’s Day.
If you have a hurting mother in your life — whether they be a friend or family,
make this day a little easier to bear for them. Remember them. Acknowledge
1. If they lost a child, say their child’s name. This is the most important
thing you can do for them on that day: Say their child’s name. Say their
nickname. Say anything to let them know you are remembering their child on
that day. No matter how uncomfortable it may make you feel, know that they
certainly have not forgotten. Let them know you haven’t either.
2. If they lost their only child, acknowledge their motherhood. As
my sweet friend who lost her (almost) 4-year-old daughter this year put it, “I
want people to remember that I’m still a mommy.” If they’ve lost their only
child, they are absolutely still a mother, and they always will be, even when
their child is no longer in their arms. Please remember that. You have no idea
how much even the tiniest acknowledgment can ease the burden on their
3. Even if they have other children, the pain is still very real. No
matter how many children they have, it can never take away the pain of
missing child or children they lost. Each child is unique, and each child is
4. Acknowledge their mother’s heart. For those who long to be momma,
but have faced infertility or things have never quite worked out, please
recognize them. There are women walking around with sons and daughters
they didn’t birth, but whom they love like their own. Recognize these
mommas. Let them know they are appreciated and loved.
5. Let them be whatever they need to be on that day. They might not
know what will be most beneficial — the distraction of company or solitude.
Lay down your expectations of them on that day. They aren’t “crazy,” they are
grieving. Have grace. Have understanding. If they want to be a snotty,
blubbering mess all day, let them. If they decide it would be easier not to talk
about any of it, don’t pressure them. Give them freedom to be themselves, and
let them know that you will love them, no matter what form they come in.
6. Don’t make assumptions. If you assume they would not like to be
included in some kind of gathering, let them decide. Just reach out to them.
Love them. Invite them. Welcome them, and let them make the choice on what
they can handle. If they choose not to come, don’t take it personally, but know
they are only trying to survive a difficult day.
7. Love them. Maybe if you live far away, send them a note and five dollars
for a pick-me-up coffee or ice cream. If you are nearby, ask them how you can
best love them on that day. Maybe they want to attend a family gathering,
make sure they know they are welcome. Maybe they want to get out of the
house, invite them to dinner. Maybe they want to binge-watch Netflix in
sweatpants and eat ice cream for dinner, offer to bring wine and popcorn too.
Be a friend to them, and remind them that they are loved.
Remember these hurting mothers. With your kindness, love, and grace, they
can brave the hardest of days. Let them know you care.
This post originally appeared on Scribbles and Crumbs. Source 04/30/2015
Updated June 30, 2015 This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform.
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